


it only matters if it's to you

by literally_jams



Category: The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Drinking, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, POV Second Person, gwen and peter break up, gwen is alive and well, harry's sad and gay, harrys a drama queen, in that reverse order, mentions of drinking, there's no capitalization im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-06-05 19:15:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6718072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literally_jams/pseuds/literally_jams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>five times peter says i love you to other people (mostly gwen) and the one time peter says it to harry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it only matters if it's to you

**Author's Note:**

> if you didnt read the tags then peter isn't spiderman and gwen is alive and also harry's bitter and sad and gay and pining for peter. also this is in second person

_ one: he finds you at the airport. _

 

you don’t know how peter knew you were coming back. he finds you at the airport, screaming your name as if it were his last words, your name, desperately calling out to you. perhaps he might die before you; but you realize he won’t, because you don’t care anymore and you’re too reckless and he savors his life.

 

you run towards peter like he is air and you are struggling to breathe. peter has gotten taller; you realize when he wraps you up in your arms and his chin rests on top of your head.

 

“it took me hours to do my hair,” you whisper into his neck. you feel him chuckle and he says,

 

“it takes you hours to do your hair every day.”

 

you scoff at him and you realize he is more beautiful than he ever was. he’s all tree limbs now, and his hair looks like a bird’s nest and his jawline is as sharp as a thorn and he is nature in one boy. you are just one of many people who have fallen in love with him.

 

you can only wonder if peter can love you back but you know that beauty does not love destruction. you throw away these thoughts as you cannot think of things so negative in the presence of a boy who is so lovely and wonderful. you breathe in the scene of peter’s strawberry shampoo and cologne and this is what home smells like, doesn’t it?

 

“i missed you.” peter says, his tone soft and for a moment, you believe him.

 

“i misse-” you can only say half the affection when you’re being pushed away from peter’s arms.

 

you look up at him, and his cheeks turn red. a blonde woman appears at his side.

 

you assume the worst, but you know peter. he would have told you when he first saw you.

 

“h-harry! This is gwen stacy, she’s um, my girlfriend. gwen, this is harry, he just got back from london and yeah--you know.” peter trips over his words like they’re hurdles and you would have given him a fond smile if it weren’t for the situation.

 

girlfriend. right. peter has a girlfriend. a lover. you should have known you weren’t good enough for him. hell, no matter how much he loved you (if he loved you) he wouldn’t have longed for you for eight years. not like how  _ you  _ have loved peter since you met him. all you’ve got going for you is your money and you have so much of it that you don’t know what to do with it. (and you don’t know what to do with yourself, frankly.)

 

gwen smiles and puts her hand out. “pleased to meet you, mr. osborn. peter talks about you like it’s his job.”

 

  
you think there’s a hidden implication to that, but you shake her hand anyway and paste a smile. “please, call me harry.”

  
  
you fight the urge to look at your shoes, you hold your ground. He looks at you with such fondness but he brushes his thumb across gwen stacy’s fingers like he was silently saying to her that he loves her and you can only dream of peter loving you the way he loves gwen stacy.

 

you look at your watch and you excuse yourself, half-heartedly saying you had to visit your wretched father.

 

_ day two: he saves you from a meeting. _

 

it has been a week since you have officially met gwen stacy. you wouldn’t be harry osborn if the first thing you did when you got ‘home’ wasn’t to do research on gwen stacy. 

 

you tried to demonize her as best you could, but you were never good at making yourself believe a lie. gwen stacy is clean and pure. gwen stacy has a perfect record, gwen stacy was the valedictorian of midtown, gwen stacy has stolen your peter but he was never yours to begin with.

 

you get angry. you tend to do that often. you mostly get angry about peter. you hurl your glass of scotch at silk blue curtains and you want to destroy everything. this is why you don’t deserve peter. you would only hurt peter, since you only destroy the most beautiful things you have and if you had peter, you would break him, too.

 

maybe it’s for the best that peter parker doesn’t love you.

 

after you break a few tables and rip your blue curtains, felicia comes in to drag you to another meeting. 

 

you don’t argue with her, not this time. she looks confused, concerned, but if she is, she doesn’t say anything about it. this is because you told her your mother was dead and you’ve spent your entire life taking care of yourself and you told her you didn’t need her to take care of you. you are doing just fine. 

 

you sit down at the head of the table, hearing grown men twice your age bitch and moan about the company and under their words you can catch undertones of how much they hate you, and you are used to it. it doesn’t matter. you’re in charge. you’re their prince and they have to bow down to you if they want to keep their jobs. it is lonely at the top, but you have been lonely all your life. this is nothing new.

 

in the middle of a meeting, one of your manservants tells you peter parker is looking for you.

 

you bolt out of the room, mentally thanking peter for giving you an excuse to leave. besides, what better excuse was there besides peter breaking you out?

 

‘peter parker.’ you say, but you stop. he’s on the phone, pacing and looking worried. your voice wants to go soft and you want to pull him into a hug and you want to kiss him until he forgot what he was so worried about.

 

he looks at you and his worry lines fade and his doe eyes go soft. you feel like jelly and then he says, ‘gotta go. harry’s here. love you.’

 

you harden right back up because you know he was talking to gwen stacy.

 

as much as you love peter, your pride always wins. ‘sorry, pete, i’m in a meeting right now.’ you say, and you’re not even sure you’re heard by peter but you don’t care. you march right back up to the meeting. this is better than being a rebound, you reassure yourself, this is better than having peter’s anger act on you, this is better than getting your heart broken.

 

_ three: he is drunk. _

 

you were reading when you heard a knock on your door. you think it’s probably just felicia, giving you back your jacket that you had left at oscorp and was too lazy to get.

 

sighing, you open the door and you’re greeted with peter parker in your arms. you look at him properly when he attempts to stand up and you realize his hair is disheveled and his glasses are askew and his clothes are wrinkled and messy and his eyes are red and he is definitely drunk.

 

he gives you a grin so bright you almost told him looking at him was like looking at the sun; annoying and bright and would probably blind you. 

 

“peter.”’ you try to sound as annoyed as possible but you could never resist peter and the thought that he came to you first instead of gwen stacy excites you. maybe you are important to him.

 

“harry!” he slurs, he is an excited drunk, like a cute sunshine puppy being  _ more _ of a cute sunshine puppy.

 

then the smile slips off his face and you lead him inside to your couch. you sit him down and you sit beside him. he curls up to you instantly and your thoughts are incoherent and in a bottom line sense, the only thing racing through your mind is ‘i’m tOO GAY™ FOR TH IS fu CK !!!’

 

you snap back to peter when something wet hits your shirt and you say, ‘parker, i swear to god, if you’re  _ drooling _ on my--’ you look down and you realize that peter is crying and no, no you don’t like that, come on pete, don’t cry.

 

you run a hand through his hair and you don’t ask him anything, you let him soften at your touch and melt into you a little bit. it’s when he stop sniffling half an hour later that he tells you why he was so upset and got so wasted.

 

“gwen broke up with me.” oh. that’s why peter had shown up on  _ your _ doorstep and not gwen stacy’s door. you are only second best to peter.

 

you sigh again and you scoop him up in your arms. you were never good at comforting people in the past and you sure as hell aren’t good at it now. “peter. peter, look at me.” you whisper, as if he is glass and he could break under your touch.

 

he looks at you and you struggle to say your words. “listen, pete, if she doesn’t want you, then it’s her loss. there’ll be someone else, pete. someone who deserves you, and maybe it isn’t gwen stacy.” it’s not me, either, you think.

 

peter goes silent and you try to cover up your sentimental comfort because you’re harry osborn, actual five year old. “let’s watch a movie. get your mind off her. she isn’t worth your time.” you are less worthy of peter’s time.

 

halfway through kingsman: the secret service, when peter thinks you fell asleep on him, he says, “but i love her, harry, and that’s the problem. i love her and i don’t know what to do.”

 

you are much more awake now, but you don’t show it. your head is on peter’s shoulder and your arms are still around him. 

 

he falls asleep on you first, and you stay up, replaying his words over and over, until they are numb to you. peter parker will never be in love with you.

 

_ four: you ask him. _

 

one day, you decide to make use of a breezy march afternoon. you don’t have any meetings (and if you did, you’d probably cancel them) for the afternoon so you call peter parker. 

 

you ask him if he’d want to show you around town again. after all, it has been eight years. 

 

he responds with an excited ‘yeah!’ and he tells you about this korean place that opened a month ago, and you smile even though you can’t see him because this boy is just so damn cute. 

 

he mentions, “gwen and i used to go there all the time.” your smile fades and you think his does too. 

 

you walk to the restaurant with peter. he doesn’t mention gwen stacy again and you don’t mention your father. it’s just the two of you, peter and harry, like it was in the beginning. like it always will be. you both are just two boys in new york who want the world at their hands, but little do you know your entire world is right next to you in the form of each other.

 

you get to the korean place. you are sipping on your melon yogurt drink and peter is scarfing down his kimchi (he is right, the restaurant is damn  _ great _ .) when you think of a question. it had been a few days after peter’s drunk meltdown, and neither of you speak of the incident. you think it couldn’t hurt to ask him and you make bad decisions most of the time, so it doesn't really matter.

 

“pete?”

 

he swallows a piece of kimchi and looks at you. you think he’s just the cutest thing on this planet. “yeah?”

 

“are you and gwen stacy still together?” you are direct with it, and you don’t look at him accusingly, or with any negative emotion. you ask him the question so casually, you take bites of your soba as you wait for him to answer.

 

peter is caught off guard. he rubs the back of his neck and sighs. “yes? no? i-i don’t know, harry.”

 

“complicated?” you supply, because peter seems like he’s at a loss for words and you’re not sure if you pity him or if you’re having too much fun with this.

 

“not really?” peter runs a hand through that stupid porcupine hair of his. “like, she broke it off with me a while ago,” (a while ago equals the Drunk Peter Incident **™** ?) “because of oxford and,” he pauses. “..some other stuff but i can’t seem to get over her? i don’t know harry, maybe she’s the one. i love her, har.”

 

your heart sinks and you say, “if she broke up with you, then she isn’t the one.” you twirl your fork in the air as if you don’t really care  and you hope you’re the one for peter.

 

_ five: she’s gay _ .

 

you and peter are on the beach rocks. you notice he seems to be off lately and since you are harry osborn, you ask him about it, bluntly. 

“peter, are you okay? tell me what’s on your mind.” 

 

peter puts down his strawberry ice cream from his face. (where there is peter; there is food. there is also you.) “gwen’s gay.”

 

“what?” you don’t know how you feel but at least you can count gwen stacy as not a threat and maybe you can bond with her over how gay you both are.

 

“i-” peter sighs. “she broke up with me because she was going to oxford and she’s gay. she’s dating this girl named felicia.”

 

“felicia?” is all you can say. “felicia hardy?”

 

peter looks at you, as if he’s saying to you, ‘is this really what you want to talk about right now?’ and you feel a little bit bad but not really because you need to know if it’s your felicia.

 

“yeah.” peter says.

 

“oh my god. felicia hardy is my assistant.”

 

“oh my god.” you’re not sure if peter says that mockingly.

 

you feel a bit awkward now so you say, “man, you dated a lesbian. i wonder what that says about you.” you don’t even know what made you say that or what it even  _ means _ , are you suggesting that peter’s gay? are you saying that peter has a terrible gaydar? are you saying that peter and gwen stacy were each other’s beards? you have no clue what you just said.

 

peter gives you another Look™ and he says, “i don’t know. when she told me, i kind of went into a crisis and i kind of realize i like a boy? maybe i’m gay? but i really loved her too, so maybe i’m bisexual? what about you, harry?”

 

there’re too many emotions and thoughts going through your head right now to answer him. peter told you he  _ loved _ her. loved as in, past tense. there’s someone peter likes already?  maybe if peter told you earlier,  _ you _ could have had him. you don’t know. maybe you’ll never be his.

 

maybe peter is bisexual. wonderful.  _ double _ the competition for you. if peter is bisexual, then either you have a chance with peter or there’ll be double the amount of people to sweep peter off his feet.

 

you forgot peter had asked you a question and he asked you, “har, you okay?”

 

“yeah, i’m fine. what did you ask me?”

 

“what’s your sexuality, harry?”

 

ah, the moment of truth. you think peter’s smart enough that if you tell him you’re gay then he’ll put the pieces together and realize you’re in love with him and he’ll leave you like you left him eight years ago. maybe you deserve it.

 

“i-uh,” great. very articulate, osborn. “i’m gay.”

 

peter nods. it’s really awkward and you don’t know what to do or say and peter’s making this conversation extremely uncomfortable. 

 

peter could do a lot of things, like perhaps say something to you but instead, he starts to dig into his ice cream again and you want to go jump off the rock you’re on and just slide into the ocean.

 

“um,” you start, “so, you’ve got your eye on someone?” you are so nervous. your leg is bouncing and your spoon keeps missing your mouth. you keep dabbing at your mouth with your napkin because you keep smudging cookie dough ice cream on your nose. all this happens while peter has his face in his strawberry ice cream.

 

peter looks up again with innocence and you’re not sure whether you want to kiss him or punch him. you don’t think he understands how important this conversation is to you.

 

“yeah,” your heart sinks. he keeps going. “he’s really cute and he’s shorter than me--”

 

you snort. “who isn’t shorter than you, parker?”

 

he punches your shoulder and he says, “shut up, osborn. you’re just tiny.”

 

you roll your eyes. “go on about your dumb crush.” your heart sinks a little bit. peter and you are so at ease with each other, you and peter are perfect for each other and yet he likes a  _ boy _ and it isn’t you.

 

“um, well, i’ve known him for a while.” you regret asking him to continue. you didn’t realize that peter had met other people, when you were in boarding school. you met other people too, but  you never kept them for long. they weren’t peter.

 

peter keeps going. “he’s a dumb hipster and his smile could probably light up the entire city. his real smile, though, the one where it reaches his ears and his dimples show. not his fake smile. he fake smiles a lot.”

 

you don’t know how to feel anymore. now you have to watch peter fall in love with this boy, as if gwen stacy wasn’t enough. 

 

“what’s his name?”

 

“that’s a secret.”

 

you couldn’t really think of a snappy insult, so you stuck your tongue out at him. you think of another question and it makes you sad but you ask him anyway. “do you love him?”

 

peter gets this starry look in his eyes and he sighs, (happily, this time.) and he says, “yeah. i do love him.”

 

“i’m happy for you, peter.” you admit defeat. you’ll never be good enough for peter.

 

_ one: it’s you. _

 

peter shows up at your door again. you open it, half expecting him to be drunk about his crush on a boy that isn’t you. he isn’t drunk.

 

instead, in his hands, he has a bouquet of purple and blue flowers. he holds them out to you and the flowers cover his face, but you can still see his tall hair. 

 

“peter?” your voice comes out soft, careful. you are scared. you are scared that this is a mistake. that this is not what you think it is.

 

peter lowers the flowers, revealing the brightest grin you’ve ever seen and you think it’s enough to keep these flowers alive for a few weeks. “hi, har.” he says.

 

“what’s this?”

peter’s smile gets impossibly brighter and you think it’s really cute, so you smile back at him. “they’re flowers. for you.” 

 

“hold on, let me find a vase for them.” you’re too destructive and you aren’t worthy of something as beautiful as flowers, naturally, you don’t own a vase. you do own a tall glass though, when days get rough and scotch seems like your only way out.

 

you take the flowers from peter’s hands and he sits down on the couch and watches you put them on your windowsill. you join him on the couch and you feel as though there is something different about peter. there is more light, more happiness to him. this seems like the happiest you’ve seen him since you got back from england. 

 

“why the flowers?” you ask him, because what could possibly make peter so happy that he’d bring flowers to  _ you _ ?

 

“because i found something out, when you talked to me at the beach,” he smiles more. he looks so happy and you melt inside.

 

“what?”

 

he looks at you with something you can’t place. fondness? you don’t know.

 

“i love you.”

 

“what?” you repeat.

 

“i love you.” you want to believe him. you want to believe him so badly and you want to tell him that you love him too and you always have but you don’t. you play it safe.

 

“don’t say that, peter. you’re in love with that dumb hipster boy.”

 

peter shakes his head, smiling. today he is all smiles and you love it. it’s adorable. “the dumb hipster boy is  _ you _ , harry. it’s always been you.”   
  


“i-what?” you are utterly confused. peter parker doesn’t love you.

 

“harry,” he laughs. “you’re one of the smartest people i know. i love you. i love your laugh and your smile and your dimples and your eyes and the way you talk and i love you, harry osborn.”

 

“gwen stacy.” you choke out.

 

“well, yeah, i loved gwen but she’s dating your assistant and she finally got through my head that i love you. i was just too stupid to realize it.” maybe gwen stacy  _ can _ be your best friend. 

 

you don’t know how much time passes before peter has a worried look on his face. “hey, har? you okay?”

 

“yeah, yeah.” peter parker loves you and you haven’t said it back to him. “i love you, too.” you add.

 

“what?” now peter has confusion on his face.

 

“you heard me, parker. i love you, too, idiot. but i knew since i was sixteen and missing you in england. i couldn’t forget you, even if i tried.” you laugh and shake your head. “i spent all this time thinking you were in love with gwen stacy and that hipster boy and you would never fall in love with me. can’t believe you kept me waiting for so long.”

 

“shut up, osborn. some of us aren’t as wise and old as you.”

 

“you’re talking, you pruney grape.”

 

“that’s called a raisin.”

 

you both laugh and this is home to you. you love peter. peter loves you. it doesn’t matter if you’re boyfriends or friends with benefits or whatever label you decide to put on it. you are two boys in love with each other. it doesn’t matter about anyone else. it doesn’t matter about anything else. gwen doesn’t matter, felicia doesn’t matter, norman doesn’t matter, nothing really matters except for you and peter. you both have the world at your fingertips in the form of each other. that is enough.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed this mess


End file.
